A trip to the mailbox
A couple of months after I lost my hair with my first round of chemotherapy, I started to slowly get more accustomed to my bald head and so I stopped wearing my wig inside the house.
During the week, it was just me and my sweet dog, who quickly got used to my new look because he could now lick the top of my head for fun.
And on the weekends, when my partner was home (because he commuted home on the weekends), he too thought it was a cool look and encouraged me to feel good about my new “hair-free” spirit.
So I started to feel increasingly comfortable being with my bald-self around the house.
Now the thing about comfort is that it sneaks up on you and you start to forget things that can otherwise be important to you.
Take a moment and think about your own life and things that you sometimes forget because you’ve gotten “comfortable doing something”. Especially after this past year when so many people worked from home. How many of you “forgot” to put on “regular clothes” when you left the house? Or “regular shoes”? Or just shoes? Right?
But this story takes place in mid-2019, pre-pandemic, when people looked like they routinely went outside...so let me take you back. Again: bald head…supportive dog and partner…comfortable indoors.
Such was my growing comfort that on one fine day, I happened to be doing my household chores and decided to grab my mail. And so, I opened my garage door, because I prefer to go out through the garage to the driveway and mailbox...and off I went down the driveway to collect my mail.
I am one of those people who likes to scan their mail by the mailbox and as I was sorting through a handful of envelopes, out of the corner of my eye, just down the street, but visible, was one of my neighbors. The kind of neighbor who is a “hi and bye” neighbor...very nice, keep to themselves, about four houses down. NO idea that I am on chemotherapy or anything that’s been going on because I’m also a “hi and bye” neighbor, very nice, keep to themselves, about four houses up.
But, on this particular day, they stood frozen near their mailbox looking at me...so I waved.
But they didn’t.
Not at first....it took them a second or two before I noticed their arm slowly go up and then their hand engaged in a somewhat awkward and mechanical wave...like their hand was slowly cranking to the on-position and then almost like a second gear kicked on, and the hand started to slowly wave. But their face did not match their wave because it looked serious, confused.
Now, I should mention that like many people, I’ve had a lifetime habit of tucking my hair behind my right ear when I’m perplexed or nervous...this habitual motion is one which I did for several months even after my hair had fallen out, because again, our movements become habits “out of comfort”.
And so, on that fine day, as my neighbor mechanically waved, I reached up to tuck “my hair” behind my right ear and BAM!
I had NO hair to tuck and NO wig on my head!
My immediate thought was I might as well have been standing naked in my driveway, sorting my mail, and waving at my “hi and bye” neighbor!
And just like that, I was frozen at the end of my driveway, while in my head the sound was like the visual of “The Scream”.
And then suddenly, I took a deep breath and I thought, what if this was Consuellama? And what burst out on the exhale was a laugh!
I can’t imagine what my “hi and bye neighbor” thought because for some reason, I started walking back up my driveway. But what I do know is that by the time I was inside my garage, I was laughing so hard I was crying! And that laughter made me feel better.
And so I hope, if you have laughed with this story, that you too feel a bit better! Because sometimes that’s all you can do...just laugh!
About Consuellama
Consuellama was inspired by llamas being hardy and well suited to harsh environments — they are quite sure-footed, easily navigating rocky terrain. It made me think that it is absolutely synonymous to navigating the “terrain” on the cancer journey. But beyond that, it is also the fact that you can’t look at the face of a llama and not smile!
