The Things People Say
In the spirit of the holiday season, where folks will once again gather and conversations will be had, we are talking about those ‘fireside chats’ whether in-person or virtual...and affectionally calling this “The Things People Say”...
Before we begin, let’s set our intention for experiencing laughter...I hope you will find a comfortable chair or favorite spot in which to sit as you read this...maybe you are sitting outside somewhere, or in your favorite place inside. Whichever way you are choosing to be, our intention is to bring you laughter and with it, to bring joy to this moment and help you feel well. Are you ready? Let’s laugh...
I love the song by Barbra Streisand “People” and especially the line that says, “People who need people, are the luckiest people in the world...”
Now before you break into singing the full song, let me explain the reason I bring up these beautiful lyrics, and it is this: sometimes, the “people” who we need in our lives that make us feel loved, and whole and all things special and are trying their very best to make us feel needed and who also need us, because after all, people need people and thus we are all the luckiest...these people can sometimes say things that while well-intended, land as, how shall I put this, ah yes, a faceplant.
Over the two-plus years of my own journey, I’ve experienced this firsthand, again from “people” that I know mean well and want the best for me. And so, I thought you’d find some humor in the anecdotes I am about to share. I call these my top 10 “people actually said this to me”. They did! No hyperbole, no historical fiction…these are ripped straight from actual conversations…because you can’t make this stuff up…you just can’t! Here we go.
For ease of laughter, I’ve put these into a few categories as follows:
What they said
What I heard
What I was tempted to say
What I think they should have said
WHAT “PEOPLE” SAID
“Oh wow, you’re still on chemo?”
WHAT I HEARD
“WHY on EARTH are you still doing chemo???”
AND THUS TEMPTED TO REPLY...
Gee, I want to stop but I’m having so much fun with it that I just can’t give it up!
WHAT "PEOPLE" SHOULD HAVE SAID
How’s your treatment going?
[Stop here and listen]
WHAT “PEOPLE” SAID
“Hmm, are you just not having luck with your treatments?”
WHAT I HEARD
“YOU MUST be getting a BAD batch!”
AND THUS TEMPTED TO REPLY...
Yes, for a while I thought that and so now when I go for my treatments, I eat a bowl of lucky charms for breakfast with the hopes that will help!
WHAT "PEOPLE" SHOULD HAVE SAID
How’s your treatment going?
[Stop here and listen]
WHAT “PEOPLE” SAID
“You look great...are you on a mild chemo?”
WHAT I HEARD
“MILD? MILD? Calling ANY chemo mild is like saying it’s funny when you hit your ‘funny bone’…it isn’t.”
AND THUS TEMPTED TO REPLY...
MILD? MILD? MILD?!?
WHAT "PEOPLE" SHOULD HAVE SAID
How’s your treatment going?
[Stop here and listen]
WHAT “PEOPLE” SAID
“Were you getting regular checkups before you got diagnosed?”
WHAT I HEARD
“You must have accidentally missed a few checkups or screenings…Humm…”
AND THUS TEMPTED TO REPLY...
No, I was just coasting along hoping for the best, but then, BAM!
WHAT "PEOPLE" SHOULD HAVE SAID
How’s your treatment going?
[Stop here and listen]
WHAT “PEOPLE” SAID
“Do you like your doctor? Are they good? Because I know this other doctor who…”
WHAT I HEARD
“Are you SURE about your doctor? Hmm…”
AND THUS TEMPTED TO REPLY...
No, I randomly picked them out from a Google search based on # of star ratings and am hoping for the best…
WHAT "PEOPLE" SHOULD HAVE SAID
How are you doing today?
[Stop here and listen]
WHAT “PEOPLE” SAID
“Is that a wig? Are you’re wearing one? Are wigs hot?”
AND THUS TEMPTED TO REPLY...
WHAT?!? Did you just ask me that question?!?
WHAT I HEARD
“Is THAT A WIG?!? OMGEE!”
WHAT "PEOPLE" SHOULD HAVE SAID
How are you doing today?
[Stop here and listen]
WHAT “PEOPLE” SAID
“I can only imagine how it feels during chemo.”
WHAT I HEARD
“I CAN IMAGINE HOW IT FEELS!”
AND THUS TEMPTED TO REPLY...
NO actually, you can’t…unless you have personally gone through chemo, no one has the degree of imagination required to know how it feels. Period.
WHAT "PEOPLE" SHOULD HAVE SAID
How are you doing today?
[Stop here and listen]
WHAT “PEOPLE” SAID
“I know what you mean about fatigue, I was in meetings all day today and am exhausted!”
WHAT I HEARD
“Your fatigue is my fatigue...we’re practically kindred spirits in the war on fatigue.”
AND THUS TEMPTED TO REPLY...
You know NOTHING about fatigue…let me tell you what fatigue IS!!
WHAT "PEOPLE" SHOULD HAVE SAID
What can I do to be helpful to you?
[Stop here and listen]
WHAT “PEOPLE” SAID
“Does your hair fall-out everywhere on your body?”
WHAT I HEARD
“WHAT?!?”
AND THUS TEMPTED TO REPLY...
WHAT?!? Did you just ask me that question?!?
WHAT "PEOPLE" SHOULD HAVE SAID
What can I do to be helpful to you?
[Stop here and listen]
WHAT “PEOPLE” SAID
“You GOT THIS! My neighbor’s best friend’s cousin, Sally, just finished her chemo and ran a marathon, she’s also working full time and thinking of going back to school on the weekends! You can do it!”
WHAT I HEARD
RED-ALERT - Trigger words!
YOU GOT THIS, YOU’RE A WARRIOR,
YOU CAN CLIMB EVEREST, YOU’RE SALLY!
AND THUS TEMPTED TO REPLY...
I’m not a warrior.
I don’t “GOT” this.
I won’t climb Everest.
I’m not Sally. My name’s not Sally…why are you talking about Sally? Why are you talking?!?
WHAT "PEOPLE" SHOULD HAVE SAID
What can I do to be helpful to you?
[Stop here and listen]
And so, we hope you’ve laughed a little or a lot, perhaps reminisced about your own “things people have said” and feel a bit lighter...and that you will take that lightness into the holiday gatherings with a smile and our love!
About Consuellama
Consuellama was inspired by llamas being hardy and well suited to harsh environments — they are quite sure-footed, easily navigating rocky terrain. It made me think that it is absolutely synonymous to navigating the “terrain” on the cancer journey. But beyond that, it is also the fact that you can’t look at the face of a llama and not smile!
