Don’t Overwhelm Yourself
“Talk to yourself like someone you love”
— Brené Brown
Quite possibly the best advice I received when I began this journey, was from a dear friend of our family, who we’d known for several decades. She had also overcome two diagnoses of breast cancer and lived well into her mid-nineties...and she said this:
“Don’t overwhelm yourself.”
Those three words became “home” to me, every time I found myself on the brink of overwhelming myself. During the first eighteen months of my now four-plus year journey, every treatment was failing and as they did, I was falling deeper and deeper into an emotional abyss. The significant physical and emotional pain I was feeling was immeasurable. Treatment options were running out and along with them, my hopes.
And yet, as much as I could, I hung on by what felt like the tips of my fingers, to stay sane and to somehow not overwhelm myself.
Cancer is a master facilitator for feeling overwhelmed and ill equipped.
I think it actually behooves us to recognize this characteristic about cancer because it enables us to find ways to go around it. It will not be easy, but it can be done. You are, in fact, well abled.
As always, we share a few thoughtful points, with the intention that these will be helpful to you, as you navigate your journey or help someone you love.
1 | Don’t be critical of yourself
The opening quote of this article by Brené Brown – “Talk to yourself like someone you love”, is one of my all-time favorites.
Now take a moment to truly think about it; if we spoke to ourselves with the utmost love, our first gear would always be compassion and our second one, kindness. We would be understanding of our mistakes or mishaps, and we would be quick to forgive and move forward. Importantly, the compassion gear would continuously seek to understand how we’re feeling and guide us towards navigating through those feelings, versus punishing ourselves. Speak to yourself with love.
2 | Give yourself grace to navigate your own journey
Grace is one of my go-to intentions. I ask for it to guide me often, and I ask for it in helping others. In our article “The Gift of Grace”, we highlight some of the healing benefits that come from not just extending grace to others, but importantly, in also giving grace to ourselves. Many times, giving yourself grace is akin to allowing yourself the space and patience to know your own limits or when to set limits with those around you. Navigating a cancer journey is by far the most treacherous road anyone will ever traverse, let grace be your guide.
3 | Allow yourself to feel all the emotions
Emotions are conductors for us to get through life’s moments. In our podcast with Elizabeth Cohn, she discusses the tools from her excellent book Coping with Cancer. For me, one of the tools I leveraged greatly is her “name it to tame it”. The action of identifying what you are feeling, in the moment, allows you to truly acknowledge it, and then move through the feeling to a better state of mind and body. All too often, when we are feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or just generally ill-equipped, we will most likely hear people say, “you’re ok, you got this!” And while their intentions are good, it can feel as if you are not allowed to “feel”. You’re allowed to feel, and you need to use that “feel” to help you move through.
4 | Get the help you need to address your needs
“Help” is not one-sized. You have to do the work to really understand what you need, and then, get help with that need. This journey is not about doing it all alone, nor is it about badges of honor. I intend NO offense to anyone, but in my humble opinion, there is an absolute need to stress the fact that everyone navigating a cancer journey needs some help at some point. You are not alone and the sooner you seek the help you need, the better you will be able to enjoy more of what you love.
5 | Don’t try to be anyone other than you
In one of our humor articles in Consuellama’s Corner, we talk about the things people say, like:
“Hey, my neighbor’s best friend’s cousin Sally, just finished chemo, ran a marathon, works full-time and is planning to go back to school on the weekends!”
Very happy for Sally, but guess what? You’re not Sally, and you don’t need to be! What works for someone else, may not work for you. A cancer journey is highly individualized. And while treatments are all too often “cookie-cutter”, which needs to improve (more on that topic later), you are indeed uniquely you and you need to live your best journey.
Don’t waste time comparing, instead, spend time learning what will give you the best outcome. Be happy for other people who are happy and do the work to find what makes you happy.
Key Takeaways
And so, as always, I leave you with one key take away, if you remember nothing else from this article, remember this: Don’t overwhelm yourself!
With love,
Amelia O.
